An Open Letter to the Drivers of Alabama

Since I am now sporting YOUR license plates, I feel that we need to discuss a few things. I have driven in many a city renowned for their "bad traffic," however, B-ham is by far the worst city in which I have had to drive.

To begin, the road is not the same as the NASCAR track,

this is not a race. What does this really mean? Well, friend, this means that when I am trying to get onto the highway you should either slow down to let me over or move over one lane. You should NOT try to speed up and cut me off so that I cannot get onto the highway, particularly when the entrance lane is ending in only a few short meters. Because you refuse to let me over, traffic jams up.

And to you who actually stops on the entrance ramp to Hwy 31, yeah you with the 2 Alabama flags on your windows and 5 Roll Tide stickers on your bumper, you are going to cause a wreck. Yield is not the same as stop (is there even a yield sign, wait I don't think there is). Don't be stupid.

Please try to use your blinker when you need to change lanes and don't get mad at me for not knowing that you needed over when you don't.

And to all the moms and dads in the large SUVs, please keep your eyes on the road, not on the kids (also, please ditch that silly tiger tail hanging out the back of your trunk).

And one other note, if your truck or SUV is too large for the parking spaces, it shouldn't be on the road.

So to all you AL drivers, take heed (or just take drivers ed, whichever) and to all you out-of-staters beware when you come for a visit.

Oh, and one last thing Alabama, for the love of the environment, can't we get some emission standards around here? I like these:

(you can call me a tree-hugger if you want, actually, I might like that)